When my son was little—four, maybe five—he would, like most kids his age, ask us, “Why?” From morning to night, from the car to the couch, we would hear, “Why are stop signs red? Why do I have to pick up my toys? Why do chickens move their heads like that?” My wife and I were under constant interrogation. One day, in frustration, I looked down and demanded, “Why do you ask ‘Why’ all the time?” He squinted at me for a moment, as if trying to fathom the depths of my stupidity. Then, with his arms crossed, in a voice of exasperation, he said, “Because I don’t know anything.”

It was an adorable moment for sure, but it also symbolized the role of parent and child. Children want guidance in life. As both a parent of a teenage son and someone who has been working with kids since I was 17 years old, I know young people want support and advice from adults. I’ve come to realize that parenting doesn’t have to be as hard as we tend to make it. Too often, we are reactive when we should be proactive. Proverbs 2 provides a roadmap to help us parent forward into a healthy future for our children. 

Having a Vision 

Proverbs 2 shows us we need a vision for the type of men and women we want our children to become. This is not to be left to chance. The author of the proverb tells his son, “Thus you will walk in the ways of the good and keep to the paths of the righteous. For the upright will live in the land, and the blameless will remain in it” (Proverbs 2:20-21 NIV). The author has a clear vision for the type of man he wants his son to be. The proverb also explains what the speaker’s son should not be like. “Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men … who have left the straight paths” (Proverbs 2:12-13 NIV). Notice that the vision is not restrictive. The author does not say his son must be a doctor or marry a specific woman. We want a vision for the character traits we hope our children will posses as adults, then we can help them move towards that vision. 

Parenting Towards a Vision

Once we have a vision for the type of adults we hope our children will become, Proverbs 2 makes it clear that we are to parent forward. Every interaction we have with our children is either keeping them on the path towards that vision or putting them on a path away from it. We must be intentional with every interaction.

The proverb also makes it clear that wisdom comes from God, through the parents and to the child. First, it comes from God: “For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding” (Proverbs 2:6 NIV). Next, it flows through the parent, as the author illustrates: “My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you …” (Proverbs 2:1 NIV). Finally, wisdom is given to the child: “For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul” (Proverbs 2:10 NIV). Following this pathway ensures the clear transmission of truth. 

When we as parents fail to fulfill our role in this process, the flow is disrupted. Wisdom from God either doesn’t reach our children or arrives fragmented. The missing role of the parents is presumably what occurred in the lives of the wicked men “who have left the straight paths to walk in dark ways, who delight in doing wrong and rejoice in the perverseness of evil, whose paths are crooked and who are devious in their ways” (Proverbs 2:13-15 NIV). Throughout my career, I have seen how kids crave adult direction. If there is a void where the parent should be, they will search for wisdom from peers, social media and pop culture. 

Maturing Towards Wisdom

God has provided a process of maturity that occurs when we parent our children to follow the path of wisdom. It starts with the parent actively instructing their children in wisdom. Doing this causes them to turn their “ear to wisdom” (Proverbs 2:2 NIV). Next, children seek wisdom and “look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure” (Proverbs 2:4 NIV). As they mature, they grow in knowledge of what is right and wrong and “will understand what is right and just and fair—every good path” (Proverbs 2:9 NIV). Finally, “discretion will protect [them], and understanding will guard [them]” (Proverbs 2:11 NIV). This process embeds knowledge into their hearts, develops an appreciation of wisdom, and equips them to confront challenges such as drugs, lying and sexual immorality. 

And, of course, God is with us along the path. “He holds success in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones” (Proverbs 2:7-8 NIV). This vision of a relationship with God is something we can share with our children.

When we fail to have a godly vision for our children’s future, when we fail to set them on the right path, our children may leave “the straight paths to walk in dark ways” (Proverbs 2:13 NIV). As Proverbs 29:18 says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish” (KJV). 

Parenting THAT Produces Fruit

God wants us to bear fruit in our lives. Jesus said, “By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit” (Matthew 7:16-17 NIV). By parenting forward towards godly wisdom, we help ensure our children bear good fruit. 

Teaching Wisdom Through Biblical Principles

So how do we do this? How do we parent forward? We do it through teaching biblical principles. Telling our children not to do drugs or cheat on tests is superficial without deeper roots. 

Instead, teach wisdom through biblical principles. For instance, instead of saying, “Don’t cheat on tests,” teach, “Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out” (Proverbs 10:9 NIV). Biblical principles build a foundation of wisdom that equips our children to make better decisions. Once firmly planted, such principles guide them through life. 

Another example is found in Isaiah 23:8. “But he who is noble plans noble things, and on noble things he stands” (ESV). Planning is good; scheming is not. More and more, I see young men and women gossiping, scheming and making plans to embarrass and humiliate others. When biblical principles take root, they shape  our children’s thinking and help them mature towards healthy adulthood. Principles like this guide them to make noble plans while maintaining the dignity of others. When we talk to teenagers about honor, dignity and integrity, they sit a little straighter and a gravitas takes hold. Teenagers want to live lives of purpose and meaning; they just need to learn how.

Jesus told us, “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock” (Mathew 7:24-25 NIV). This is what we want for our children. We want to equip them to follow Jesus and be able to withstand the storms of life. By parenting forward, we equip them to follow Jesus and withstand life’s storms, modeling wisdom while intentionally transmitting it to them.

This article was originally titled “Parenting Forward— Towards Biblical Wisdom” in the March 2025 issue of The War Cry.