In The Salvation Army, we often tell the famous story of how our Founder, William Booth, had the opportunity to send a telegram to all officers worldwide. But he had to limit the message to one word. The word he chose was “OTHERS.” He hoped and expected that the Army’s ministers of the gospel would put others above themselves. That makes sense because it was everything that Jesus modeled for us when He descended from His eternal throne to sacrifice Himself for our sake. And some verses in the Bible are quite clear about putting others first. Take Philippians 2:3-4: “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”

In the 70s, the phrase “Look out for number one” became popular; its sentiments, a stark contrast to the biblical ethos. I guess the thinking was that no one else is going to care for you as you will, so always think of your own needs and desires before anybody else’s. Merriam-Webster defines the idiom: “to think primarily about oneself and do what helps one most.” For those trying to live a Christlike life, “Look out for number one” is a wholly inappropriate motto.

Fortunately, that phrase faded from the cultural forefront. But there is something we talk about all the time that, if we’re not careful, can threaten the Christian’s focus on others. I’m talking about “self-care,” a concept that is given an almost holy status these days. 

Taking care of oneself isn’t bad! I thoroughly believe God expects us to mind the body and spirit He has gifted us. Exercise, proper eating and good rest are healthy habits that should be part of every Christian’s routine. So should a reasonable amount of leisure. But it seems a trend, even among Christians, to indulge oneself in extraneous pleasures, all in the name of self-care. It is growing ever more common to use all one’s spare resources chiefly to please oneself, without giving thought to who could benefit from our time and our money. Imagine instead, establishing the habit of giving up a percentage of your free time to serve others—babysitting your neighbor’s children for free, cutting someone’s grass, participating in feeding the homeless at your corps or church. I’m reminded of these beautiful lyrics by Edward Henry Joy:

All my days, and all my hours;

All my will, and all my powers;

All the passion of my soul,

Not a fragment—but the whole

Shall be Thine, dear Lord,

Shall be Thine, dear Lord. 

And what if we considered sparing a little cash (when we have any to give) for those who are suffering, occasionally foregoing a treat for ourselves so that we may manage the expense? Frances Ridley Havergal wrote: “Take my silver and my gold, Not a mite would I withhold.”

You see, “self-care,” as so many people define it, involves time and expense. I don’t mean to imply that one should never have a luxury, never enjoy a special treat, never take that dream vacation. What I want to push against is the notion that “I am number one, I deserve the best, I will treat myself primarily.” In Matthew 6 we are told that our Father knows our needs (not our wants) and will meet them, so we need not worry about living in misery when we don’t make self-indulgence our priority.

I imagine a reader or two maybe thinking, “Jesus took time for self-care.” Indeed. During His ministry, Jesus isolated Himself nine times to rejuvenate and pray. Notice that Jesus’ self-care was spiritual. When He required a retreat, it was to seek the Lord. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if when we felt like it was time for a personal reprieve, we took a spiritual day instead of a spa day?

1 Corinthians 2: 12-13 says: “And we have received God’s Spirit (not the world’s spirit), so we can know the wonderful things God has freely given us. When we tell you these things, we do not use words that come from human wisdom. Instead, we speak words given to us by the Spirit, using the Spirit’s words to explain spiritual truths.”

Human wisdom and God’s wisdom are not the same, and those who live by the Spirit must hear and live by the wisdom of God. The world says, “Take care of yourself first.” God’s Word says: “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves” (Romans 12:10 NIV).

How can I honor my brother or sister in Christ if their dinner plate is empty and I am feasting? Or, if I have hours to devote to video games while my corps officer is left alone to clean up after the corps potluck?

Considering all of this, I believe that a healthier pattern is to look to the needs of others first, and then to ourselves. It’s not my suggestion. It’s a biblical mandate. Be good to yourself, yes. But not at the expense of others. The order that the world suggests—“me, then you”—is backwards. And I suspect we will find we all live more fulfilled lives when we dare to do things God’s way and not our own.  

This article was originally titled “The Self-Care Trap” in the October 2024 issue of The War Cry.