“Come and look at this,” my husband said. He led me to a table at the boutique and picked up a cardboard jewelry box with a beautiful bracelet in it. I love bracelets, and this one was exactly my style.

“Oh, it’s gorgeous!” I crooned.

“We should get it!” he said.

“Well, I don’t think we should spend the money.” It wasn’t expensive, but it wasn’t something we had planned to purchase. It seemed lavish to buy something for no reason other than that I liked it.

“Come on,” Rob encouraged. “You deserve it.” 

I looked at him, smiling down at me, and quickly agreed. The bracelet was great, but the real gift was what he’d said to me: you deserve it. It made me feel known and seen and appreciated. Of course, it wasn’t a revelation that my husband knows and sees me, but it was a beautiful reminder. It was a tangible display of love.

There are so many ways to show love. Most people are familiar with Christian author Gary Chapman’s five love languages: acts of service, gifts, words of affirmation, quality time and physical touch. The great thing about Chapman’s love languages is that they aren’t a description of how we should show love to strangers. They’re meant for expressing love to those closest to us. The idea is to know what matters most to the people you value most, and to treat them accordingly. But while we have our favorite ways of receiving affection, all the different ways of expressing love are important to all of us. Although acts of service is generally the language that speaks loudest to me (nothing makes me feel more loved than a family member doing the dishes!), Rob’s generous offer of a spontaneous gift communicated that I was valued. And the words of affirmation that were part of the whole exchange meant even more to me than the gift.

Christians are often encouraged to fulfill Jesus’ command to “love your neighbor as yourself.” We should constantly be doing just that. But sometimes I think we are better at loving our neighbors than those under our own roof. We all know it’s easy to take our family members and best friends for granted. In John 15:12-13, Jesus was speaking to His disciples when He said, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (ESV).

Think about it. The disciples lived together, spent every day together. They almost lost their lives at sea together, Jesus commissioned them on brief missionary journeys together, they ate and prayed and walked and sweated together. They were probably closer to each other than most family members are today. And Jesus said that they – the disciples who were right under each other’s noses – should love each other as He had loved them. That the greatest display of love is to surrender one’s life for his friends. 

Though Jesus had modeled love for all people everywhere, He seems to have put a special emphasis on loving those who “do life” with you. Jesus wants us to welcome the stranger, care for the lonely, fight on behalf of the marginalized. But He also wants us to lavish love upon those who live in our space. This important task – no, privilege – should not be overlooked. 

A new year offers a chance to make adjustments to the way we live. While exercise plans, diets, book-reading goals, etc., are inspiring and worthy healthy habits, what about adding a new “love resolution” to this year’s list? Most of our New Year’s resolutions are self-focused, but how about making a change for the benefit of those who live life with you? 

What would it look like if you made a list of how to love your people better? Here are some suggestions:

• Find out their “love language” and act upon it. 
• Express love via the other love languages on occasion.
• Verbally acknowledge ways in which you see them growing and changing – spiritually, career-wise, general personal growth, etc. Support however you can.
• Speak glowingly of them to other people, in their presence. 
• Make a small sacrifice for them – like going to that restaurant they love, but you don’t.
• Listen intently.
• Encourage your loved one to take up a hobby they’ve been contemplating. Allow them the time to do it. 
• “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32 NIV).
• “Take delight in honoring each other” (Romans 12:10b).

This list could go on and on!  

I have noted that the more I accept God’s limitless love – the more convinced I am of His grace and desire for me – the easier it is to pass love on to others. When we understand that we are utterly safe in His love, the defenses and the indifference that can become obstacles to loving others begin to melt away. So, I guess a love resolution starts with opening our hearts and soaking in God’s love for us. The more we understand His love for us, the greater our desire to love others similarly. After all, Jesus said, “Love one another as I have loved you.”